So I went to work yesterday, for the first time in nearly four weeks. Cried the entire time walking there, arrived, didn't see my boss, left. Am definitely not ready to return. I only had a minimal breakfast, and definitely not enough sleep, so I felt really weak by then. Definitely not up to walking back home, I had to rest first.
Craving carbs, I stopped by a grocery store for some sugared baked goods, Farris and chocolate (ended up not eating the chocolate though). I continued to Grünerløkka where I sat in the park for a while, playing my GBA a bit, and taking photos of a handsome tom I met.
He was very friendly and let me and several other people pet him. ^_^
After the kitty had worked his healing magic at me, I entered Pandabutikken, hoping Tina would be the one there today. She was, thank goodness, and it was a slow day, few customers to interrupt us. I got a much needed hug, and was able to talk about what was bothering me. I felt so much better. We talked for what probably amounted to a few hours. By the time I headed home, it didn't seem like such a far stretch to just lie and say I got off work early if someone had asked why I was back so soon.
Exhausted, though, and had to take several breaks on the way. I should have just given in and taken the tram, my body was so not up to that. And my eyes hurt to keep open, from lack of sleep, glaring sunlight and excessive crying. It hurt. My legs ached. Somehow I made it back home at around 15:30. I went to bed. Slept for some five hours. Got up, made dinner, ate, went back to sleep.
Woke up this morning to banshee going off at 6:30, still exhausted, went back to bed. Up again at 8:30, really wanted to go back to bed, but decided I didn't need to get my sleep schedule further messed up.
Reheated last night's dinner leftovers and finished it off for breakfast. Procrastinated a bit, mostly just waiting for Jan to go away, then steeled myself for The Talk with Harriet. It went well, even better than I had expected. In tears (genuine ones of course), I told her that I couldn't go on living like this. I told her everything, and she agreed to everything.
I told her that the last few months have been hellish to me. I told her that telling her all of this was extremely hard to me, I have a very hard time telling other adults what they should do. I told her how Jan doesn't respect me, my privacy or the things I own, and how I can't live with someone like that. And how I can't stand to have him as close as the next room; I don't want him keeping surveillance over me. When he's watching TV, he is in a position where he knows when I use the bathroom. I told her about his hair on my soap, too. I told her the man is a parasite, and that she as a landlady has a responsibility to remove parasites that are detrimental to the tenant's (mental) health.
She agreed to everything, and immediately afterward moved the TV downstairs.
All I need to do to make my life better is let my needs be known. Next: writing that email to my case worker at aetat. Need to do some research first, find out what options I have for further education in the fields I am interested in, and present some alternatives.