Yesterday, my whole family gathered to celebrate my mom's half a century. I think it's been over a year since we were all together. We weren't together for last christmas because dad was in Thailand and I was in Florida.
So I take the tube up to my dad's place, feeling very uncomfortable because it's full of people. I had entirely forgotten that there's something called "rush hour" that is best avoided. I seriously just wanted to get off and run away, but I had paid the ticket already and I don't have a cell phone to call my dad and tell him I'm not coming.. so I suffer through it.
So I get to my dad's place. After a short time, we leave for his car. I see a butterfly that I correctly identify as an Admiral (yay). (on flickr)
So we drive. It's the first time I've been in a car for a long time. I'm nervous. My dad is driving a bit fast - above the speed limit, but not much. He brushes this off as nothing when I express my concerns.
I think of cars as "death boxes" - and with how often I'm out walking, my death is probably going to be in a car accident.
Anyway, we talk a lot on the way there. The subject is mostly politics, because of the upcoming election. My dad is a member of the political party I disagree with the most. And he goes on and on and on about how we're so stupid for letting in all these muslims who just breed and leech and take advantage of our system. I do see his point, but I'm offended by how he generalizes. I don't like Islam at all because of how bad it is for women, but I don't think of someone who is muslim as inherently evil. I think my father thinks that way.
Women's rights hardly made it into the conversation at all. It bothered me some when he portrayed the party I'm probably going to vote for as being fools out of touch with reality.
I mentioned my desire to get sterilized and how I can't because it costs around six thousand kroner. He.. said he could pay it for me if I wanted him to. O_o
I guess he understands that I don't want to be mired with kids. He wants to get married again, but he does not want kids, but might be willing to settle for one if the woman really wants one. But definitely no more.
Anyway, we get to mom's place. She and my aniki, who arrived by train earlier, were out picking up my younger brother. They arrive shortly. We have dinner, which made me sick to my stomach. I think it was the soda. I've practically stopped drinking carbonated beverages. Or it could be that I had an almost empty stomach; I only had a few graham crackers with cheese for "breakfast".. but, breakfast was more of a 1 PM thing, and I've gone longer without food without any ill effects. We're talking serious TMI here. Had to constantly go to the toilet, and hear comments from family members about it while sitting on the porcelain throne. Not fun.
Anyway, during dinner there was lots of conversation, and again, mostly politics. And my aniki agrees with my dad, and they talked lots of crap about the party I'm going to vote for, and my aniki even said that "people who vote for (party) should lose their voting privileges."
That hurt, dammit! Either he doesn't realize that I don't subscribe to the same political ideals as he does, or he doesn't realize that I'm completely vulnerable when someone important to me says hurtful words. He hurt me deeply a few christmases back too.. Back then I decided to distance myself from him so I wouldn't get hurt, but I want to have contact with my aniki. He's important to me. If we can just not talk about politics or other heated issues like abortion, etc, we have a great time together. I want to play video games and watch movies/anime together. We both adore Katamari Damacy. And all those games we used to play on the Commodore 64 and the Amiga.. Like Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders. My aniki is like a hero to me. That's why having him say such things hurts far more than any other betrayal. I can't stand the idea of him not being on my side.
Oh, and the family photo.. It was really funny, because I think we had as many as five digital cameras, counting aniki's cellphone. So we just lined them up on a cabinet and set the timer, scuttled together and were showered with flashes. And we had to re-take the photo several times because my brothers just can't resist making faces. Mom wanted us to do a proper photo for once, but I told her this is our family tradition. Compared photos, shared laughter. I'm still not photogenic at all.
(Filtered, if it doesn't show up, drop a note and I'll add you if I don't mind you seeing this)
(left to right)
Back: younger brother Jon Torstein, older brother Audun.
Middle: Youngest brother Sigmund.
Front: Mom, younger sister Sigrid, me, dad.