January 21st, 2005

Ita-chan - Ennui

Ah, Daggerfall, my source of sanity.

Having Jan here is just so stressful. When I came back from work today, I found my milk carton (which had about a glass of milk left in it) empty and in the trash bin. And I swear he stole from my cheese too, I don't cut it that uneven. The cheese was in a BOX, not just left in the original packaging. Clearly mine. Besides, his mother has been gone for months, he can't use the excuse of believing it was hers (like he has done several times). Thief, that's what he is. He knows it's mine.

I'm sick and tired of him stealing my things. Do I have to start keeping meticulous logs of what food I have in the kitchen so I have solid evidence against him?
I can't wait for his mother to return, because then he'll be out of here in no time.

I really don't know what to do about it. I know he'll get defensive and/or try to trivialize it if I confront him about it. But I have to wonder if my passiveness and avoidance makes he think he can just walk all over me and eat my food. I do have a spine, I just never show it to anyone.
It's not that he steals a lot, but I'm being stolen from in my own home. How am I supposed to feel any safe here? I'm almost considering moving if Odessa doesn't return. But that's just wrong. I'm the one who lives here, not he. I'm the one paying rent. He's just here because his mother isn't. Watching TV until after 1 AM every night.. sabotaging my sleep.

So to relieve my stress, I switched the mouse and monitor over to Ao-chan to play Daggerfall.Two and a half hours passed while I played.. Leveled up once, did a couple of Guild quests, explored a bit.

Maybe I should buy another monitor cable so I can keep it attached to the back of Ao-chan so I don't have to fumble at the back each time. It's so easy to put in the USB mouse into the USB -> PS/2 converter. ^_^

No update on the tracking page since around eight this morning.. I'll be annoyed if I don't get my stuff tomorrow.

And it's past midnight again. Whee.
  • Current Mood
Hiding in plain sight

Another morning looms threateningly on the horizon..

Tired. Jan was up watching the TV until 3:06. So yeah, not much sleep for me.

I keep hitting refresh on the tracking page, but no change in the last 24 hours. (Edit: of course now that I posted this, it updates. It's there!)
I don't want to go out in the snow again. Being at work isn't bad, usually, but right now there are a lot of people there. I don't like crowds.

But with all the people there, the cafeteria should be open (it's usually closed on fridays).. I'll have tea, at least.

To do:
Hopefully leave work early so there's still daylight when I get back home (really don't think that will happen)
Give Sigmund feedback/help on his book report
Pick up my stash at the post office, assuming it gets there today (it had better..)
Maybe run out of canned air while dusting the used parts I'm going to use.
Build computer, assuming the case comes with mounting screws.

I'm going to be late for work again. I'm going to blame this squarely on the annoying housemate if my boss mentions my lateness.


I keep expecting Odessa to just show up, or to get a phone call telling me she has been found. I check nettkatten.no every day. That there's very little I can actually do is driving me nuts.
女暗部 - bewilderment / distress

Useless email notifies..

I just checked the tracking page when I got to work. Apparently they sent the email to notify me that my stuff was ready to be picked up at the post office half an hour after I had been there and gotten my stash. XD

But I haven't gotten the mail. Maybe I forgot to quit TB at home and it already downloaded to my home computer.

Nooo, my 15" LCD monitor at work! It's been taken from me and now I have a 15" CRT instead. Or is this 14"? It's small. Ew.
I have a CRT (17") at home too, so I don't really understand why I'm complaining so much.. Oh yeah. This CRT has a dead pixel right in the middle of the screen.
At least no one stole my rat figurine I keep on top of the monitor for good luck.
That reminds me.. I need to get some form of a lizard to put on my new computer. A figurine, or even a sticker would do it. I just want something I can pretend is a guardian against evil spirits or whatever.

So I'm on standby at work.. if anyone needs help, they'll ask me. I have no doubts I'll be able to handle the technical aspects of it, but the social interaction isn't going to work. I'm sitting here crying, hoping I don't have to talk to anyone today.

She was my lifeline when I was at my worst. When I needed her, she'd crawl into bed with me and share her warmth, silently letting me know I am loved.

Three hours left of the workday.
女暗部 - face in the crowd / kodoku

I can't believe that took me this long to realize.

I bet you've all heard numerous times about how I was depressed throughout all my teenage years and going on my twenties, until I moved to my current home, where it just went away. Because I was removed from the factors that negatively impacted my life. Because I was in an environment conductive to healing.

That's why I've been falling back toward depression lately. I don't feel safe in my home anymore. Jan must be removed from my presence, otherwise my mental health will continue to deteriorate. Hurry back, Harriet. Only you can throw him out.

And I hate the fact that he is the guy I write about the most in my LJ. Though, I wouldn't say I write about him as a guy. I write about him as a problem, as an obstacle to my happiness. That is all he is to me. And right now it's a very prevalent one.

One hour left at work. Been undisturbed so far, and thankful for it. Am also thankful to self for keeping a box of kleenexes on my desk.
Rock Lee - 愛!


First test run successful. She's a P4 1.7GHz.

Now to put an OS on her.. Trying to download freedos, but it's a bit slow..

There, have the boot CD. Now to try to install it.. (which means switching keyboard and monitor over to Matsuri)

Found by chance while more or less randomly browsing someone's LJ: http://www.livejournal.com/users/zorah/179531.html

zorah is not allowed to sell tickets to the vagina monologues on campus (or to advertise in any way) because a part of the money goes to a fund to pay for abortions for victims of rape and domestic abuse. Her solution? She's not forbidden to give away the tickets. A donation of $8 gets a student a free ticket, and more importantly (to me anyway, heh), laughs in the face of the man.

The someone's LJ I found the link in is actually on my friends of friends page, but it was posted on Jan. 12th, when I was just coming home from the US, so I must have missed it. Since I didn't see it on my friendspage, I'm passing the word along.
女暗部 - Kesshin

[Matsuri update]

Oh dear. She thinks she has 384 MB ram, when she does in fact have 128 MB. This causes her to try to load stuff into non-existent ram, thus nothing will boot.
And if I put the ram stick in the second or third bank, it registers the same as if I have nothing at all.

Going to see if there's something I can do about this in the bios.

Editing this entry because you guys must be sick of seeing my updates by now. :P

Memtest found infinite errors on the stick in Matsuri, but running the same stick in Secunda gave no errors. There's something screwy with that motherboard. Next experiment would be to add another stick of ram, but that means taking Lorelai offline, so I'm a bit hesitant to do that. And I really don't want to touch Lorelai's ram at all, because it works now, and any tampering with it may change that. It took me a long time to get it to work.. I'm just worried that it won't work even if I put it back in the exact same order.

Maybe I'll just wait until I get paid again and buy a new motherboard, fan (already have an AMD Athlon XP 2200+ lying around that I bought thinking it would work on Lorelai, but found out it didn't before messing anything up), and.. I'd need to buy DDR ram.

I haven't given up on the mobo entirely yet, but I'm a bit resigned. I really want to turn that 1.7GHz into something usable. If I could make it work, I could put it in Secunda's case and give it to my mom.. she desperately needs a better computer, but can't afford one. Her current is technically at Secunda's level, but.. Trust me when I say that Secunda is far better. XD
I'd never give away Lorelai. She's my first computer that I built myself, for myself. I built one other before her, for that bastard (my ex)..

Oh, if only I had known when I left him what I do today.. I'd have set all his drives to PIO mode. Instead I just edited the registry so that the system properties show windows to be registered to "that bastard".