February 15th, 2007

Self greenhair

(no subject)


Yesterday was not bad at all. Therapy was interesting. It should have been obvious, but it took hearing about someone considering their job to be important to realize why I skip out of work all the time - it is essentially meaningless for me to go. Especially now that my boss is on vacation.

Discipline and motivation is very scarce in my life. I've been trying to think up a reward system, but even if I go with that, I'm still the one who has to pay for the prize. It's not fair to ask someone else to give me a reward for doing what I should do anyway.

On the money front..

I should have earned my freecard by now, but they hadn't registered the payments for the first two sessions in January (because they only just billed me for those), so I'll probably need to pay the next time and get that refunded. Not a big difference. Not paying 265 kroner a week for the rest of the year will help my economy too.

I was late in sending in the report card, so I haven't received this fortnight's payment yet - but I got the e-mail notification and the date is today, so I'll probably have that tomorrow.

NRK license fee is due in a couple of weeks - that's a huge chunk of money, but I had saved up for most of it, so it didn't hit me that hard.
So I'm about 1000 kroner below again, not counting the ~4000 I have in my savings account, earmarked for getting niichan here this summer. I'm still buying my Online Retail Therapy of the Month, so I might be in the red again the day before the next payday, but it won't be as much.
女暗部 - bewilderment / distress

I hereby declare my room a disaster zone.


Will accept humanitarian aid gracefully. Please send help. There is no way I can possibly deal with all this.

I feel so useless. I can't do simple things others can.

I forgot to give the art gallery people my account number so I could get the payment for the one photo that was sold. So I got a phone number to call and give it later, but did I call? Of course not.
I just checked my cellphone and had an unanswered call from a couple of hours ago, from them. Argh!

I picked up all my used clothes off the floor, and wow, I have more than a full load of laundry to do. And I can see parts of my floor again, but in a couple of days it'll be back where it was before.

Woke up in the middle of the night from a bad nightmare. Couldn't go back to sleep, played SMAC:SMAC until early morning, when I went back to sleep. Sleep, SMAC:SMAC, more lying around, eating chocolate-coated fudge, playing SMAC:SMAC some more, and finally showering around 2 PM. Breakfast, tea, more SMAC:SMAC until Kaos-kun poked me. We then watched two episodes of Firefly together, and after he left I played SMAC:SMAC some more, until I got disgusted with the global warming increasing the sea levels to the point where I no longer recognized the shapes of the land, and just built the transcend stuff to end the game.

I probably won't go to work tomorrow either. I might not even leave the house, but I need to get some fresh foodstuff, so there's a chance at least. I was planning to do that today, but before I knew it, it was dark outside. I'm just so.. disgusted with myself for not making more of an effort to not spiral downwards like this.

I'll feel better tomorrow when I have money again.