Got the feeling at Arcon today that I don't really belong, and never did. Everyone else is having fun, and I just want to find someplace quiet and read or some other solitary activity. Hearing voices everywhere gets to me. Though, the con was relaxing compared to the subway ride home. My mp3 player couldn't quite drown out the cacophony of voices. It seemed like they were all talking, to each other or on their cellphones. I saw people looking at me, judging me and finding me unworthy.
Maybe I won't even go tomorrow. I don't want to be there. It'll all be over by the time I'm awake enough to go, anyway.
I'm sorry I'm not fun to hang out with.
Since a day or two ago, I've noticed an uncommonly high amount of flies in my room. I hadn't smelled anything, but as I spend a lot of time in my room, maybe I just never noticed a gradual change - plus, with the vile one here a lot lately, the rest of the house has smelled of tobacco and entering my room has always been an improvement.
I joked that Odessa had probably left something under my bed again, and I was right. Dead bird, in the early stages of decomposing. Yeesh. With it gone, maybe this pestilence of flies will abate. I've sucked up about thirty of them today with the vacuum cleaner, and there's still a few left.
I felt a greater need for isolation than usual this morning, and decided not to go to Arcon today. I don't regret my decision.
I didn't get a lot of things done, though.. and I really don't feel like going to work tomorrow, but I really should. I received another form I need to fill out in the mail on Saturday. All this waiting and long list of stuff to do causes me huge amounts of stress.
Sigmund got back from the convention a short while ago and crashed on my couch. He must have been really exhausted; I've never heard him snore before. I hope he's staying the night, and I've put some effort into cooking decent food: oven-baked potato wedges with olive oil, garlic, basil, oregano and salt.