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I'm not lost, I just don't know where I'm going.
But I'm determined to enjoy the journey.
Cue mad dashing about. 
9th-May-2007 22:35
Io
 

I meet niichan at the airport tomorrow morning! I already know it'll be an awesome three weeks ahead of us. And my room is a mess. -_-


Did a lot of crying in group therapy today. I would say I'm at an all-time low, thanks to my low income, hopeless housing situation and that the vile one seems to be back - he's been here every day for almost a week now. The night before yesterday I had another really bad nightmare about him trying to break into my room. Despite how I've told people about my situation and how it's the cause of my depression, I have still not received the help I need. The past three days I've been thinking about staging a suicide attempt. Just need to find a method that has a pretty low chance of actually killing me, won't cause lasting damage such as a broken back (scars are ok), and will get lots of attention. So, stepping in front of a train or truck is out of the question, jumping off a bridge would be too hazardous, and taking a bunch of pills in the privacy of my room wouldn't get any attention. This Monday at work I spotted a pair of scissors and thought "there's my chance!" - I was among people. I didn't make a move, though - they could have been really dull scissors for all I know.

If I didn't have a cat or someone very dear to me visiting really soon, I think I would do something drastic that I might not be around to regret. I just can't go on like this..
I don't believe in an afterlife or reincarnation or any of that. This life might be all there is, so I'm not about to end it prematurely. I promise I won't kill myself in May, June, July or the first half of August. That should be plenty of time to find new reasons to live for, right?



Even more retail therapy. I can't really afford this..

I got a pair of really cheap pants. That was a planned purchase, and cost less than I had estimated.

At the bookstore, I got some equipment and sheets of cardboard and paper that I'll need when I'll be framing some of my photos. I really should have waited with that, but the temptation was so great.

At the yarn store, I got just the one set of needles I needed.

I picked up my antidepressants at the pharmacy, which thanks to our wonderful health care system didn't cost me anything.

I decided against printing more photos, despite that I had put the ones I wanted on my USB stick before leaving home.

I spent 104 kroner on three more photo frames of different sizes.

I got a week pass and a flexi-pass (8 single trips) for niichan so we can travel around town.

I did grocery shopping, nothing very extravagant there.

All this adds up to me being just about broke, at a time where I'm going to need extra spending money. Hello my dear friend Credit Card Debt, long time no see. How'ya been? Missed me?

Okay, just checked my bank account, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I will be using my credit, but not the first week (unless the first week includes buying the train tickets).
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