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I'm not lost, I just don't know where I'm going.
But I'm determined to enjoy the journey.
I'm not really enjoying it that much. 
1st-Jul-2007 00:14
Io
 

Got the feeling at Arcon today that I don't really belong, and never did. Everyone else is having fun, and I just want to find someplace quiet and read or some other solitary activity. Hearing voices everywhere gets to me. Though, the con was relaxing compared to the subway ride home. My mp3 player couldn't quite drown out the cacophony of voices. It seemed like they were all talking, to each other or on their cellphones. I saw people looking at me, judging me and finding me unworthy.

Maybe I won't even go tomorrow. I don't want to be there. It'll all be over by the time I'm awake enough to go, anyway.

I'm sorry I'm not fun to hang out with.
Comments 
30th-Jun-2007 22:46 (UTC) - Ûberfannish.
You remind me of a comment on my nephew, who, at his first SF convention (Norcon 20) brought with him the loot from the book auktion, found a quiet corner, and sat down to read. The comment was that to sit down somewhere quiet and read at a SF convention proved that he was the ultimate fan.

I have always felt that you really belong in SF literary fandom, where it is quite OK to want to sit down in a quiet corner to read, and the convention comitees try to plan in reading (and talking) corners.

I find I do not necessarily enjoy hangig out with people who are fun to hang out with. Such people tend to be to preoccupied with being _fun_ for my enjoyment. I do, however, enjoy talking to you. (And I try to avoid the phrase "hanging out with you" because I'm way too tired to tink through the warious levels this phrase might be read, and make sure that you do not read something I did not intend. Or I might be mixing it up with "making out", wich I'm absolutely certain I do not want to imply.)
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