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I'm not lost, I just don't know where I'm going.
But I'm determined to enjoy the journey.
Still mourning. 
11th-Mar-2011 22:10
女暗部 - flowers
 

So it's been four weeks. Grief, and guilt. The day Odessa disappeared, the weather was lovely for the first time in a long time. I kept thinking I should go out, but I stayed in and played Oblivion instead.

I don't know if it would have made a difference. I believe she was killed by a predator; probably an eagle. If she'd been attacked by a fox, she'd probably have been able to climb a tree to safety, but Odessa was never pestered by birds like some other cats are (magpies will relentlessly bother black-and-white cats), and so have never learned to anticipate danger from above.

All this time, I have not been doing much. Just been going about my daily life, though going outdoors even less than before, and not just because of my Oblivion addiction. I'm actually starting to get a grip on it.. it doesn't completely invade my life like before. The way I handle it is by having an alarm on my cellphone go off every night at 10, and that's when I stop playing, wind down for the night.. watch something, knit.. though I admit I have no idea how to proceed with those socks. Haven't found any patterns I can lift for mushrooms. Might have to come up with my own.

I've had two sightings of Lillepus, the cat who stayed with me this time last year. I called his owner up again to verify that he was indeed missing again. I don't think she really cares to have him back again. I've considered trying to get him inside and re-taming him (he's gone a bit feral again) and keeping him - I need a cat. But he first showed up about a day after Odessa disappeared; I can't be certain that he didn't have anything to do with that. When he was here last year, I suspect he once attacked her. They certainly did not get along. If I get my hands on him again.. well, first thing he's getting neutered. Then we'll see. He's a gorgeous cat.. but if he's prone to taking off on long-distance trips.. I wouldn't take it very well to be abandoned like that. He always came back every night for the three weeks he stayed here, but three weeks isn't long enough to be sure about anything.
Comments 
14th-Mar-2011 08:03 (UTC)
While I still hope for good news on Odessa, I fear that at this point your suspicions are correct. Try not to beat yourself up over anything, though. You don't know what happened, and you don't know what kind of difference you being outside could have possibly made. It is possible that it was her time, and cats that have a chance to separate at that point frequently do. Regardless, my thoughts are with you.

As for the other cat, the chance that he had "anything to do with it" is slim. When cats fight it is very rarely to the point of injury. Even if they bumped heads it is unlikely that this had actual consequences to either of them.

If you catch him, yeah...everything starts with neutering. That might in fact curb his tendency to wander.
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