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I'm not lost, I just don't know where I'm going.
But I'm determined to enjoy the journey.
  Everything is in a state of decay. We have to constantly… 
5th-May-2011 01:09
drosera wants a hug
 

Everything is in a state of decay. We have to constantly renew ourselves to hold off the entropy.
I want to do something about my website, but I've forgotten so much about writing html and I used to know a bit about css too, back five or six years ago maybe. Has it really been that long?

And in knitting, too.. I can't seem to get things shaped right anymore. It all turns too dense or angled wrong and why can I not make a nicely curved toe to my socks? It just hangs there loosely on the foot. No elasticity. I feel like I'm failing at everything these days. Despite my best intentions and efforts, things turn out to the point where I might as well not have bothered trying.

I want to build something. Something made out of stone, in my garden maybe. Something that will still be there decades from now. When I am gone.

Not my field of expertise, though. I don't have one.

I have nothing to offer humanity. Why am I even here? Though I suppose the same can be said about more than half of the world's population.
And that's not strictly true anyway. Though I was mainly thinking of authors and artists.. one of my photos made it onto cute overload once. It's been viewed several thousand times. It's tiny, but there it is. On the first page of a google image search for 'orange tabby kittens'.

I can't handle anything more now. I feel like I'm on the edge and a gust of wind could push me over.
Comments 
5th-May-2011 22:39 (UTC)
I know that feeling all too well. for years I felt I didn't excel at anything, I couldn't really draw, digital media was beyond me, I couldn't even code websites that well. I wanted to leave something.. anything, just so people would know who I was.

Time's moved on, and I find that all those little words, all those little things, all add up to make a lasting legacy. A legend is great, but inspiration is something awesome.

You've inspired me in the past... that's how I've come to be the person that I am.

**hugs**
13th-May-2011 08:40 (UTC)
You've got a lot to offer humanity, and the world would be a sadder place without you.

If you want to build something in your garden you need to check the local building regulations first, but if you avoid building something that is too large or useful, you ought to be safe. You also need to talk to the owner of the garden. (Your grandparents, I believe.)

Just pick up a stone next time you're out walking (as opposed to shopping, you don't want to carry a heavy stone in addition to the shopping) and carry it home.
Find a nice spot for the stone, set it firmly in the ground, and repeat next time you're out walking.

As for what, I suggest a nice, stone set bed. Nothing presumptuous, just a grocery bed surrounded by nice, good looking stones.
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