Everything is in a state of decay. We have to constantly renew ourselves to hold off the entropy. I want to do something about my website, but I've forgotten so much about writing html and I used to know a bit about css too, back five or six years ago maybe. Has it really been that long?
And in knitting, too.. I can't seem to get things shaped right anymore. It all turns too dense or angled wrong and why can I not make a nicely curved toe to my socks? It just hangs there loosely on the foot. No elasticity. I feel like I'm failing at everything these days. Despite my best intentions and efforts, things turn out to the point where I might as well not have bothered trying.
I want to build something. Something made out of stone, in my garden maybe. Something that will still be there decades from now. When I am gone.
Not my field of expertise, though. I don't have one.
I have nothing to offer humanity. Why am I even here? Though I suppose the same can be said about more than half of the world's population. And that's not strictly true anyway. Though I was mainly thinking of authors and artists.. one of my photos made it onto cute overload once. It's been viewed several thousand times. It's tiny, but there it is. On the first page of a google image search for 'orange tabby kittens'.
I can't handle anything more now. I feel like I'm on the edge and a gust of wind could push me over.